Friday, January 23, 2009

Build your confidence: Overcome Shyness

Build Your Confidence: Overcome Shyness

I was reading an article the other day on CNN about a person who thought that she was not shy but when she went to her therapist she ultimately found out that she was in fact shy in some situations and how it had affected her life till now.
After reading that article I started to search some books on overcoming shyness and came up with a book named "Goodbye to Shy: 85 shybusters that work" which I believe is a pretty good book with some really good how to and what to advice given.

Here are some of the shybusters which I want to apply to my life in the coming future:-

1. Reject imagined rejection - The next time you meet someone and you think that they don’t like you, realize that there is an overwhelming chance that you are dead wrong! It’s your own imagination working overtime. Like Sures (confident people) do instinctively, consciously look at new acquaintances for signs of acceptance - their smiles, the warmth in their eyes, and their accepting body language. “Look and ye shall find.”

2. Force yourself to observe others - It’s hard to go from nervous actor to confident filmmaker. But force yourself to consciously notice other people, what they’re wearing, how confident they look, how they’re reacting to situations and other people - not you. Give yourself full permission to be “judgmental.” just like watching a movie, observe them and form opinions. Forcing yourself to ask “What do I think of them?” chases “What do they think of me?” right out of your mind.

3. You’re better than you think you are - Heed the studies. It’s an open-and-shut case. People like you a lot more than you think they do. You performed a lot better in past situations than you think you did. Your rejection is greatly imagined. Think of this the next time you face an intimidating situation. Repeat to yourself, “People like me more than I think they do.” “I perform better in situations than I think I do.” “And I only imagine rejection.” Recalling these three proven points boosts confidence as you face your next challenge.

4. Make a jitters list - Compile a list of people and situations - past, present, future, and general - that make you feel like you have a wrecking ball in your chest and dripping sponges in your hands. Make it very specific, including even the names of the people who intimidate you.

5. Categorize your qualms - Take your list of situations that make you as shaky as a wet dog from the list made in last shybuster. Then rearrange the inventory from the activity you find the least challenging right on up to the ones that make you wake up in a cold sweat.

6. Construct your staircase of doable steps - Break each terrifying situation from your list in the last shybuster into less scary small steps. Make sure each step is climbable. Even if you’re feeling pretty confident and cocky about one step when you get to it, don”t skip it. Just do it quickly before moving up. You build a more solid base when you follow your plan.

7. Do the demented duck exercise - You think I’m kidding about this exercise? Absolutely not! Act like a demented duck on speed in the morning. Get loony. Get loud. Get unglued . . . from shyness. Explode your energy sky-high in the morning, then let it settle gradually. It works a lot better than trying to haul it up out of a hole.

8. Detonate ten-second “blasts of animation” - Sure it’s tough. But how bad can being animated for ten seconds be? Light your internal sparkler in short bursts at appropriate moments, and you will see the spark spread like wildfire. As you see people warming up, you will instinctively light it again and again. You can become as much of a fireball of energy as you wish.

9. Take the “Master’s position” - Whenever you catch yourself in that “Beat me again, Master” body language, snap out of it. Throw your shoulders back. Stand in the middle of the room. Sit in the highest seat. Take the “power position” at a table.

· Walk through the middle of a door. Don’t fidget. Make large, fluid movements - the signs of confidence go on and on. Train your body to do these moves until they become second nature.

· When you are at a gathering, do not stand close to the wall or by the snacks. Walk directly to the dead center of the room. That’s the place where all the important people gravitate.

· When you are going through a large door or open double doors, don’t walk on one side. March straight through the middle. It signifies confidence.

· At a restaurant, unless there is an established hierarchy, go for the seat at the end of the table facing the door. That is the power position.

· Sit in the highest chair in a meeting or on the arm of the couch - but not higher than the boss!

· make larger, fluid movements. Confident people’s bodies occupy more space. Shys take as little space as possible, as if to say, “Excuse me for taking up this much of the earth.”

· Keep your hands away from your face. Never fidget.

· When you agree with someone, nod your head up from neutral (jaw parallel to the floor), not down.

· When passing someone, be the last to break eye contact.

· For men: Don’t strut like a bantam rooster. But to look like a leader, swing your arms more significantly when you walk. When you are seated, put one arm up on the back of a chair.

· For women: To seem self-assured, square your body toward the person you’re talking to and stand a tad closer. Naturally, give a big smile, but let it come ever-so-slightly slower. That way it looks sincere, not nervous.

· And, of course, need I ever mention posture?

10. Practice on geriatric eyes - After you’ve gained confidence with younger eyes, start at the other end of the spectrum. Make eye contact with the over-seventy set. Then work your way down to the over sixties, and so on, until you can look comfortably into the eyes of people your age.

11. Go for people who want your eyeballs - Walk through a department store and make brief eye contact with every salesperson. They are eager for your smile and glance. Women, when you feel comfortable, stroll through the men’s department and make eye contact with the salesmen there. Men, when you can make eye contact with the cosmetics clerks, you’ll know you’ve graduated from beginners’ eye contact.

12. Say “I like you” silently during eye contact - While keeping eye contact with someone, silently say to yourself, “I like you.” Now you’re right on target with timing for your eye contact and smile. Soon it will become second nature, and you can chunk this crutch.

13. Make faces at yourself in the mirror - get to know your smile, from the inside, from the outside, from the right and left. Feel the difference between grinning and grimacing. Know when you are leering like a lecher or smirking like a stalker. Only when you know how each feels can you polish yours to a confident, friendly, and welcoming smile. You’ll know you’ve succeeded when you see your eyes getting into the act.

14. Smile at their “inner selves” - Lest this sound too touchy-feely, let me explain. Search for something special, funny, or nice about everyone who comes into your line of sight. Concentrate on that and a smile comes up from your gut, naturally. Find any excuse to smile! Does the lady in the bank line have a cute little kid? Smile at her. Did the driver of the car next to yours sneeze? smile at him. Did someone smile at you? Make sure you smile back! Like any exercise the more you do it, the easier - and better - it gets.

15. Smile at them for their sake, not yours - Put your shyness in the background. Avoiding eye contact, looking away, not smiling, not greeting someone - these are all signs of snobbishness. It’s a fact. People don’t immediately recognize shyness, so what do you expect them to think? Smile and be friendly so that they don’t feel hurt and think that you are something worse than shy!

16. Don’t skip, shirk, or accept defeat - If you find a challenge exceptionally difficult, do not skip it or chuck it. It can be habit forming and you’ll be saying “Hello” to Shy again. To gain confidence, you must do each shybuster pretty much in the order you assigned yourself. You designed your own program. Vow to stay with it! If you skip one step, go back and do it twice the next day.

17. Take a part-time job - Take an evening or weekend job working with people. Make it a situation where you are being judged not as “you” but as the role you are playing: department store salesperson, door-to-door survey taker, taxi driver. The “anything-but-totally-me” experience is a great way to get people practice in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.

18. Set yourself specific party goals - When you go to a party, set yourself some goals, such as “look everyone in the eyes,” “have a pleasant, relaxed expression on my face,” “smile broadly at a few people - the host, an acquaintance, an attractive other.”You must introduce yourself to one person in the ten-minuter, two in the thirty-minuter . . . and so on. Ten minutes at the party practicing your social skills is far more effective than staying an hour and letting yourself get tense.

19. Speak first - In conversation, being a “me firstie” is a good thing for a Shy. When encountering an acquaintance anywhere, be the first to say, “Hi. How are you?,” “Good to see you,” “How have you been?,” or the like. When you express it with enthusiasm, you exude friendliness and confidence. Remember, people form an opinion of you in the first ten seconds. And again each time you meet. Why waste the first five in uncontrollable silence waiting for them to greet you?

20. Use the comment-question technique - When someone asks, “How are you?” don’t just respond with the traditional, “I’m fine. And you?” That aborts the conversation before it ever takes off. Extend it by adding a sentence about your day. Then ask a related question and you immediately earn a place on his or her “confident and friendly colleagues” list.

21. Practice storytelling on your goldfish - It doesn’t have to be what you had for breakfast, of course. It can be anything. Talk to your goldfish (or dog, cat, marsupial, or mirror) for five or six minutes in a voice with lots of energy and variety - and very few pauses. In conversations with humans, of course, you must have pauses so they can interject their thoughts. However, since your goldfish probably won’t have anything interesting to interject, keep on talkin’.

22. Ask “keep talking” questions - Leave “uh huh” and “OK” to the robot crowd. Throw out some “Who?” “What?” “When?” “Where?” “Why?” and “How?” questions. Your conversational companion will be thrilled that you want to hear more - and you won’t feel pressured to come up with convivial and clever conversation.

23. Use their moniker - in moderation - Say someone’s name in greeting and parting. It makes him or her feel as warm and fuzzy as a furball. But beware - if you use it too much, it comes across as a nervous habit and makes that someone feel as warm and fuzzy as a Brilo pad.

24. Bat the ball back to your listener - After using all of the Shybusters to become an excellent conversationalist, don’t forget one of the most important elements. Be sure to turn the conversation around and ask your listener how he or she feels about a particular topic. Listen to his or her opinion. Then follow up with some thoughts on what he or she said. Then repeat this Shybuster over again. That’s what comfortable and confident communicating is all about!

25. Find your passion and purpose - Do some deep thinking on what causes you care about the most. Something you really care about. Then search the Internet and newspapers for groups or meetings on the subject. If your town has an alternative or underground paper, those are usually rich sources of a wide variety of organizations and meetings. But don’t join just anything. Find something you are fervent about and go for it. Let your passion drive your shyness out.

26. Design your own “Dare-a-Day” program - Assign yourself one challenge weekly from your list (Make a jitters list) of intimidating situations. Then split it into daily assignments and do each one in order. If you’re not satisfied with your performance, slot your daily dare in a second time. And a third and a fourth - until you’ve licked it. Shys, do not skip this one. It is crucial to your goal of being shy-free.

27. Make a mental movie of yourself handling goof-ups with grace - Think of all of the horrendously humiliating situations that could possibly happen to you in a social situation. Then, with a cool head, look at each scene and ask yourself what somebody should do in that situation. Nine times out of ten, you’ll be right on target. Now visualize yourself responding to each situation exactly as you’ve planned. The ghost of Amy Vanderbilt will give you a standing ovation. And you’ll be prepared for whatever comes your way.

28. Act your way to confidence - Being somebody else on stage does wonders for playing the most important role of your life - your most confident self. Take an acting class. After using larger movements, a louder voice, and good eye contact on stage, you’ll be just as dynamic at the last night closing party - and in many more social situations to come.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Some tips to Succeed in Life

Some tips to succeed in Life

The first book that I read back in my College days was The Magic of thinking Big and I was really surprised about the positive effects that this book had in my life in just one week. From then on I have read several books and I would just like to share the knowledge that I have gained from reading those books.

  1. Believe you can succeed and you will- Belief is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to yourself and your subconscious mind. Just think how much you can or could have achieved if you had always believed in your ability to achieve anything. If you close your eyes and ask yourself if you could do something then I am sure that you will find that you really can do anything you wish to.
  2. Take Initiative- Initiative is one word which has not often been used in success of all the great people that this world has seen and will continue to see. If they had not taken that one step, that initiative to start then they probably would not have been able to succeed. It's the first step that is the most important because that shows you the ways to succeed in life one step at a time. Just keep on taking that first step every time you get stuck and you will surely find a way out.
  3. Action cures fear- Have you ever experienced a situation that you have always feared in your life. There is a simple solution for getting rid of that fear i.e. to visualize the fear in your mind's eye. Close your eyes and just face the fear that you have and try to come up with a solution to that fear. Even if you don't find the solution you still know how to face it and you will be better prepared to face that fear in future.
  4. Analyze your strengths and weaknesses every week- If you could just sit for about half an hour every week and analyze what went right and what went wrong then you can see considerable change in the way you grow.
  5. Enjoy the Journey rather than waiting for the end result in order to be Happy- Happiness only depends on the way you think. I always thought that when I will grow up I will finally be happy, when I will have a job then I will be happy but when I achieve one thing I realize that I need something else in order to be happy. The best thing is to enjoy the journey to happiness so that you can create more memories on your way to achieving what you really want in your life.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Genie Within- Summary

Methods of getting into the Alpha State

  1. Relax and close your eyes...breathe deeply and concentrate on the sound of your breath...in and out...in and out. Clear your mind and picture only a door...the door is red, and on that door is a red number seven. As you open the door you go into a red room...the walls are red, the ceiling is red...hanging on the walls is a red seven...

    Walk through the room to the next door...that door is orange. On the door is an orange number six. As you open the door you walk into the orange room...the walls and ceiling are orange...and you see the orange six...

    Walk through the room to the next door...that door is yellow. On the door is a yellow number five. Open the door and walk into the yellow room...yellow walls, yellow ceiling...and the yellow fives...

    Continue through the room to the next door...it is green. On the door is a green four. Open the door and walk into the green room...green walls, green ceiling and green fours...

    Walk to the next door...its color is blue. On the door is a blue number three. Open the door and walk into the blue room...blue walls, blue ceiling...and blue threes...

    Keep going and go to the next door...it is indigo. On the door is an indigo number two. Open the door and walk into the indigo room...the walls and ceiling are indigo...the number is two.

    Walk to the next door...it is violet. On the door is a violet number one...open the door and walk into the violet room. The walls are violet, the ceiling is violet, and the number is one.

    And we count down further into alpha...ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two...one.


    This is the point that you arrive in alpha...to gain knowledge and insight. At this point, many will do meditation, healings, journeying, work with spiritual guides, affirmations, etc. When alpha work is finished, always remember to give yourself clearance and affirmation for perfect health. Do this by telling yourself that you see yourself in perfect health and clear any unwanted energy away from you by smoothing and clearing your aura with your hand, starting behind at the back of your neck...over your head and down your body...then simply count back up from one to ten.

    Other methods of counting down into alpha include the use of a rainbow, colored crystals, and more. Again...do what works for you. Many find that it helps while going into alpha to make some gesture which their brain then associates with this state. It can be as simple as crossing your fingers or touching your third eye. After a time, this state becomes so second nature that just making the gesture will drop you into alpha. The best way to perfect achieving an alpha state is practice.


 

  1. Sit comfortably or lie down, closing your eyes. Perform a number of deep breaths.
  • Visualize the number 3 and say to yourself "Three" 3 times.
  • Visualize the number 2 and say to yourself "Two" 3 times.
  • Visualize the number 1 and say to yourself "One" 3 times.
  • Visualize the number 10 and say "I'm relaxing"
  • Visualize the number 9 and say "I'm calming down"
  • Visualize the number 8 and say "I'm relaxing more and more"
  • Visualize the number 7 and say "I'm calming down more and more"
  • Visualize the number 6 and say "My consciousness is clear and tranquil"
  • Visualize the number 5 and say "My whole body is relaxed"
  • Visualize the number 4 and say "I'm so relaxed so that I can't feel the weight of my body"
  • Visualize the number 3 and say "I'm totally calm"
  • Visualize the number 2 and say "I'm totally relaxed"
  • Visualize the number 1 and say "I'm totally calm and totally relaxed. I'm at alpha."
  1. When the body is relaxed, close your eyes. Look upwards behind your eyelids at a 20° angle. Now mentally count from 100 to I. Concentrate on counting and nothing else. You will gradually reach a wonderful state of mind. You may feel that this is nothing new, you have experienced this earlier-just before falling asleep, or when lost in a childhood memory, or while daydreaming. You have unknowingly passed through this level of your mind many times, hence this feeling now seems just familiar to you.

    Do not question it, just relax. This is first time you have reached alpha consciously. To enter this level fast, try this method: For the first 10 days, count from 100 to I; the next 10 days, 50 to I; then 25 to I; 10 to I and finally 5 to I. Though going to the alpha level may be different at different stages, you come out of the level using only one way.

    Mentally say: "I will slowly come out as I count from I to 5, feeling wide awake, feeling better than before. One...2... prepare to open eyes...3...open eyes... 4...5...eyes open, wide awake, feeling better than before." Once you reach your level through the 5-to-I method, you are ready to go to the level any time you choose. And once there, just concentrate on a particular thing. It could be anything you like-a beautiful flower, your daughter's face, the snow-clad Himalayan peaks, whatever.

    Concentrate on this image. Think of it as real, with a three-dimensional form. Think of the color and other details. You will find this is difficult to do. The mind, as we all know, is as restless as "a drunken monkey that is stung by a poisonous scorpion". Thoughts will come in a procession. Do not get annoyed, just push them aside. Concentrate.


 

Laws of the Subconscious Mind

  1. Repetition
  2. Emotion
  3. Present tense
  4. One dominant concept
  5. Expectation- When the subconscious mind expects something it makes that thing happen
  6. Placebos- Based on belief.
  7. Reverse effort- Do not force what you want through your conscious mind
  8. Expression- Every thought causes a physical reaction
  9. Expressed energy- Restored energy, if not expressed in some way becomes suppressed energy
  10. Suppressed energy- Should be expressed ASAP. e.g. Exercise, walk, clean the house etc.
  11. Repressed energy- When an event that triggers fight or flight response and the energy is not expressed then it becomes repressed. It turns into undirected activity such as tension and anxiety which prevents relaxation. Pg 101-102
  12. Resistance- Do not resist. Concentrate on the positive.


 

Communicating with your subconscious mind (Part 1)

  1. Internal conversation- Call by name (Jim). Talk like your best friend, like your own child. Be appreciative and treat like your child who you want to develop and be the best.

  2. Pendulum- Four directions; Clockwise, counter clockwise, north to south and east to west.
  3. Finger Movement
  4. Induced Dreaming- Give your subconscious mind something to work on before you sleep.
  5. Automatic writing- Go into alpha state and write your thoughts on a piece of paper.



 

Laws Revisited

  1. Expectation- Expect the thing asked to come true
  2. Positive attitude- Be positive
  3. Activate your subconscious mind- Use emotions and images
  4. Detach your conscious mind from your affirmations
  5. Give the job to your genie as you would to a trustworthy friend/employee. Do not supervise or tell your genie or give directions of how to do the task.
  6. Use EMOTION
  7. Senses- Feel it, see it, smell it, kick it, and hear it. Use action words.
  8. Go into alpha
  9. Use repetition- Feed your affirmations everyday and every night
  10. Use Imagination- Visualize
  11. Update your goals- Go over your goals periodically
  12. Monitor your thoughts- Think of yourself only as you want to be
  13. Replace a bad habit by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.




 

Communicating with your subconscious mind (Part 2)

  1. Brainstorm the imagined problem- Think of as many solutions as you can and take action by doing the doable ones.
  2. "I AM"- Always use the phrase "I AM" with something positive. When somebody asks you how you are then reply with something positive in your mind like I am wonderful, I am doing great, my life is just great.
  3. IT
    WORKS-
  • Step 1- Write the thing you want on a 3*5 inch card. Specify what you want, how much you want in detail and visualize it. Use Laws above.
  • Step 2- Read the list early in the morning and late at night or whenever you are in alpha state.
  • Step 3- Do not tell your genie how to do it.


 

  1. Pictured Suggestions- Expose yourself to the pictures of the things you want
  • Poster Board Display
  • Dream Book


 

  1. Turn on your Joy Center- Go into alpha state and ask your subconscious mind to stimulate your joy center in your mind.
  2. Subconscious Crock Pot- Outline the thing you want and jot down all the ideas related to it on a piece of paper and forget it. Ask your subconscious mind to work on the problem. After 21 days go back and the solutions will spill out of your mind.
  3. Guided imagery- Go into the alpha state and visualize the desired result. Use the laws of the subconscious mind. After your visualization, thank your subconscious mind and let go.
  4. One word Affirmations-
  • Try- Don't use this word while talking.
  • DELETE- Use to remove any negative feeling or thought from your mind.
  • CANCEL- Same as DELETE. Visualize a neon sign flashing.
  • Done- Use to get something completed. Visualize the end result.
  • Going- "It is going" 10 times. Used when in pain
  • GONE- For cold and warts.
  • Change- When there is worry or negative thought then use this word and think about something positive and happy.
  • Numb and Normal- Use when in pain.
  • Dry- When you have sniffles or cold.
  • Reach- For creative ideas.
  • Together- For loving relationship between your conscious mind and the subconscious mind.

PARABLES- Use to add more power to the one word affirmations by making up a parable.


 

  1. Substitution- Always substitute any kind of negative thought or feeling with a happy one. Visualize a happy song, phrase, face etc.
  2. Overlaying- Used to replace or change a bad habit
  • Go into the alpha state.
  • Picture in the mind the thing you dislike.
  • Shrink the picture to the size of a postage stamp.
  • Picture a pleasant scene or experience.
  • Attach strong emotion to your pleasant scene.
  • Hold the positive thought for a few seconds.
  • Repeat the above sequence 3 times.

Can also be done by writing the thing disliked on a piece of paper by replacing steps 2&3 and looking at the thing written after visualization.


 

  1. Acting- "Acting as if" is very powerful in converting the mood from bad to good. Its easier for the mind to act then to believe.
  2. Triggers- Use triggers to attach a specific activity with your subconscious mind. Example can include words, images, colors and actions such as touching fingers or blinking. E.g. Everytime I blink my eyes I feel happy and relaxed.
  3. Instant playback of the whole movie review


     

  4. Classic method
  • Write an affirmation
    • Wording- Evoke images and feelings. Be descriptive and imaginative.
    • Be realistic- Don't wish for some unrealistic goal.
    • Present tense
    • Be positive- Subconscious mind cant understand the negative.
    • Be specific and literal- Describe in precise detail everything.
    • Personalize the affirmations in your own words.
    • Stress activity- See yourself doing and being
    • Use all your senses- Feel it, see it, hear it, smell it, taste it.
    • Be Emotional- Get excited. E.g. I am soooo happy, I am so happy that tears are running down my cheeks.
  • Attach a trigger- Attach a trigger to your affirmation. Whenever that trigger is used then the affirmation will be repeated in your subconscious mind.
  • Plant your affirmations
    • Go into the alpha state and read it aloud.
    • Visualize it.
    • Command your subconscious mind to accept your affirmation
  • Repeat- Repeat your affirmation every day twice.
  • Group affirmation- Use Instant playback technique along with different triggers for each trigger and visualize all the triggers in your mind to repeat the affirmations in lesser time.